My name is Andrea. And I still suffer from idealism.

i·de·al·ist (-d-lst) n. 1. One whose conduct is influenced by ideals that often conflict with practical considerations. 2. One who is unrealistic and impractical; a visionary.   re·al·ist (r-lst) n. 1. One who is inclined to literal truth and pragmatism. 2. A practitioner of artistic or philosophic realism.   On occasion, I've been called an idealist. I found it intriguing that the online dictionary defined an idealist as being "unrealistic." In truth, I don't believe that realism and idealism are polar opposites. Especially in a world where we acknowledge faith. Incorporating faith into your worldview should hand-in-hand incorporate hope. And, sadly, believing in hope has, indeed become unrealistic.   Growing up, even amidst a not-so-fairy tale family situation, I was somewhat shielded from the hurts of this world. I sure am grateful for a mom who protected my childhood in that way, even when times were tough and she was grieving. In the last week, there has been tragedy. On a global level-the tornado in Moore, OK, the bringing to light of human sex trafficking oh so close to home in Cleveland with the rescue of the three women (and I admit the rescue was joyous, but to think of 10 years in captivity of such a sick man, those are sad thoughts!), continued scandal within our federal government. My heart was sad as I've watched my college alma mater "struggle to define itself," as the headlines read. A place that was a shining place of hope. And then, on the personal level. Seeing friends hurt as marriages crumble, loved ones die, expectations aren't met, disease hits....It seems to be everywhere.   (Sidenote, how grateful am I for good friends. That's you Kim and Dana!!!). I went to a Saturday night church service last week. Gasp!!! How un-baptist of me! I was not in my Sunday's best and we didn't use our hymnal. But God was faithfully present and speaking. But, this is what I was reminded, and what I wanted to make sure I jotted down on my blog to go back and read. Pastor Bogue was in Gen. 3 referencing Adam and Eve in the garden, being tempted by the devil. This has what has stuck with me this week, as I've digested this in light of what has been happening around me: 1. Sin is real. The devil is real. Spiritual warfare is real. 2. The biggest temptation I face is myself...my own attitude-the times my heart is stirred and I remain indifferent. When I have self-doubt and don't acknowledge who I am in Christ. When I am proud. When I am self-centered. Those are times the devil is trying to redirect me. The devil tempted Eve by making her doubt herself. 3. One of the greatest distortions used in temptation is: "THE EXAGGERATION OF THE PROHIBITION."  I've heard this saying before. As I've grown up, and as I've seen the world around me change, I can attest to the truth in this. How easy it is to doubt God when you believe he is keeping something from you. There is freedom in Christ. There is a big love in my heart for fundamental christianity. But there is a struggle inside accepting full freedom in Christ. This often presents as failure to let Christ take the reins... 4. What to do when I sin? Embrace the call and questioning of God. It's not that God doesn't know, its that he is causing us to know. He wants to teach us  more about himself, so that we can become more like him. Good reflection back to the Potter and the clay.   So, back to being an idealist. There's a place in my heart that hurts as I see all of the sad things around me. There's many  hurting people that fill my office and present with physicial symptoms....and on the days that doors open to dig a little deeper, often stress and hurt lie below many problems. And hurting friends. And hurting family. But. There is still Hope! Keep dreaming, dont focus on the heap of cinders. Make new dreams :)   “For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky